that random late night post

So, here we are again, just days before heading off to college. I just bought my books and I'm starting to pack up all of my belongings. I'm filled with anticipation, yet ambushed by a small fear that everything will change in the coming year.

I'm a different person from who I was as a senior. I will be a different person next year as well. All of this isn't bad, but I get a bit sad to find that I'm growing up too fast for my own liking. I have to take care of new responsibilities, I have to find myself, and I have to be something.

This year, I want to grow as a writer. 

I've been spending a lot of time on Figment.com, a great writing community that is populated by teens and adults. There are so many users on the site who've helped me improve, and there are even more writers who I admire. The things that fifteen-year-old writers can come up with these days--they astound me with their ingenuity and determination. Most of the users I come across are determined to get published, and I share their fervor.

I need to work on my style, because though I've been told I have one, I still fluctuate. I need to find it and stick with it, but at the same time, I don't want to feel confined by a label.

I want to grow as an editor.

I've been dreaming for a long time about being an editor in New York City and getting to read tons of manuscripts and mingle with the literary elites of the States. I want to be immersed in all things literature, coffee and chai, eccentric fashion, and strong personalities. I want to be the most sought-after editor, the one who makes amateur authors' dreams come true.

But I have to learn about the trade. I need to perfect my grammar and spelling and proofreading skills. That's why I can't wait to take my World of Publishing class in the Fall semester. The teacher is a well-known expert in creative writing and her works have been published...well, everywhere.

I want to grow as a designer.

I never thought that I'd work with Photoshop. I never saw myself as one so technologically intrigued. But...something changed when I started helping out Andoni. I was thrown into another world where nothing needs to be perfect, because imperfection is seen as art. I learned to trust my creative instincts and my journalistic ones which dominated me my whole freshman year. I learned that I could create a vision by mashing up different images, and I can make something look better if I tried my hardest.

I'm nervous because this year, I will be the Director. The title misleads people; they think I'm some sort of expert or experienced designer, when, in actuality, I just picked up the trade within months. I will have older students as my staff and I'll have to call the shots when the need comes. I'm scared, yet I'm looking forward to exercise my creative side.

I want to grow as a friend.

Besides my selfish wishes, I also want to improve my friendships. See, I'm not so great at giving someone a call or writing out a letter to a special someone, so I sometimes go a long time without talking to my close friends. I think that hurts the both of us when this happens. I want to Skype with my friends more this year. I want to be sure to take the time to sit and talk to an individual and ask, "What's going on with your life?" I want to be there when a friend needs me the most.

Really, though,

I just want to be better.