Okay, so when I last checked the comments, Marie was the last to post so I took her word first. I will get to the others, no worries. I just want to thank the lovely ladies and that one anonymous for reading and commenting. It made me smile.
This short post is about the word 'lonely'. Dictionary.com defines lonely as an adjective, meaning 'destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support'. It's part of my blogspot web address because, well, I thought it was funny--not that I really am lonely. How can I be when I have such great friends who always support me? I put it in there because it rhymes!
Now, the following story is not my best...there's a character with no name. I tend to write things that do not feature names because it takes me a long time to select one for a character. So, excuse that....hmmm, well, that is all I have to say now. Enjoy!
The bus rocked the girl's body side-to-side. The wheels of the bus creaked, a dull rhythm that repeated every other second, and the windows shivered against the unforgiving winds of winter. The girl's eyes rested on the dizzying, blurry images of the road, the trees, the traffic lights with their ever-changing colors. The kids behind her kicked the back of her seat, whether on purpose or accidental--she neither cared nor would she have done anything about it.
Incessant chatter continued around her. In front of her sat two talkative classmates of hers. Of course, she knew their names--somehow everyone knew them. There was a respectable distance between them; she made sure of it. The two friends laughed as they shared an inside joke with each other. One girl playfully pushed the other with a shoulder, to which she was jokingly called a name that in any other case would be offensive. The silent girl behind them wondered, some day, if she would be able to call another with the same endearment. Right now, she couldn't. She needed a friend first. She didn't have the strength to find one just yet.
Everyone else paid her no notice.
She gave an impassive look to her bookbag which sat to the left of her. It took up space, just look another person would have. The girl knew and sensed its presence, just like she would if someone was actually there.
But it just wasn't as warm as a friend.
How would I know what a friend felt like, the girl giggled self-deprecatingly in her mind.
The bus halted jerkily, the physics of it sending the kids going back and forth in their seats. The girl stood slowly, grabbing her bookbag with eyes turned to the floor. Was it her imagination? Was the bus suddenly silent? Whether real or not, she felt a thousand eyes on her back, eyes which she believed were mocking her as she took the solo path to her house.
Each step she made felt heavy and burdening.
She wished that one day she would have the strength to free herself of this self-imposed isolation.
She walked along, letting her mind run free. Laughs and words from the bus came back to her. Every laugh she heard, each smile she imagined, something in her had jumped delightfully, because in those moments, it was like they were directed at her! The girl almost smiled at the thought.
Almost.
At the corner of the street, a couple walking their dog laid eyes on the girl. They had a cheery disposition, so of course, the girl noticed. But the welcoming wave she received went unnoticed since she preferred only to look at the ground.
Then, she reached into her pocket.
The elderly woman and man knew of her, heard of her. She seemed like a quiet girl. Studious-looking with her large bookbag that contained many books. Her parents were almost always gone, away on business, so she took care of herself. They didn't take offense when she did not return their wave; she was busy, talking on her phone, the couple saw. Now the little girl was smiling...my, what a beautiful smile. The dog, a pup, a Golden Retriever mindlessly jumped into a pile of snow, gleefully taking advantage of his owners' lack of attention. But he was caught, unfortunately. It took awhile to get that stubborn puppy out, but the couple did not mind.
They walked along.
Now the other girl, the phone chatter, let her hand fall to her side, phone now in her pocket. The smile, which the others had internally remarked on, faded. Her lips thinned, set into a line of quiescence. A cold, cutting shiver ran down her spine.
For a moment, she did not move. Her heart clenched.
She did not want to go home.
But obedience beckoned her. She knew she had no where else to go. Sometimes, that knowledge was her prison.
The girl leisurely trolled along the snow-covered path to her home. Her delicate fingers passed over the frozen branches from trees that stood near her. She wiped the cold away onto the sleeve of her jacket.
She dug into the smallest pocket of her bookbag, fingertips grazing the cylindrical shape of her chapstick, and the smooth, flat surface of her school ID until her fingers curled around the frigid metal that was her key.
A blast of something like warmth greeted her at the door, and she stepped through the threshold, making sure to wipe her feet. Her eyes touched the 'Welcome Home' mat below her. She let her things down, ignoring the loud thud which echoed in the room.
A shaking finger hovered over the flashing red "play" button on her answering machine. Excitement suddenly took over, then faded, since she knew the truth. After a hint of hesitance, she pressed down.
"Hey, how are you?" The girl whispered, voice echoing off the walls of the hallway.
"I'm doing great! You?" A cherry voice, sounding so like her own answered.
"Awesome. Look, do you want to hang out with me. It's okay if you can't. I know you're busy a lot." A trembling comment.
"Course. You wanna meet me at the coffee shop?"
She smiled bitterly, with tears running down her cheeks.
"Yeah. In an hour. See you there?"
"Of course. Can't wait to see you!"
"Love you. Bye."
She looked down the hall which led to her empty kitchen.
"I'm home," the girl whispered.
No other person but herself answered.
