update on life; happy things

So many good things are happening in my life right now, but I'm afraid the euphoria I feel will soon fade. If something good happens, I always think that something bad will follow it. Most of the time, I find my prediction is true. One day, I'll have a perfect day; I'll get up in time for class, go to the gym and eat healthy. The next day, I'll be running late, I'll get a bad grade in class, and I get into an argument with a friend. I don't know how I've gotten that type of notion in my head, but it really needs to stop. The pattern needs to stop.

As indicated by my previous post, I've recently been promoted to the role of Executive Editor on Fairfield University's The Mirror. It's a daunting task, to know that I will have to oversee the whole newspaper rather than a seven-paged section in the paper. However, I know that I can do it. I've worked my way from assistant editor to director in freshman year. I'm a hard worker. I'm enthusiastic. I'm confident in my skills. My section has really improved since last year, and people are noticing, thankfully. As the Executive Editor, I won't be required to work too much with layout, like I have in the past. I'll be reviewing the finished product, and I'll be giving my comments to the editors before the paper goes to print. I'll be working alongside the Editor-in-Chief Martin O'Sullivan, who also happens to be a close friend of mine. I know that next year's The Mirror will be really successful because Martin and I are a good team now, so give us a few more months and we'll be top notched. I'll be sad to leave the paper in January of 2013 when I go abroad, but I still hope to contribute in small ways.

Also, I received a call from Simon & Schuster about an interview. I applied for an editorial internship in the summer, and I sent in my cover letter and resume, and they answered right away. I will be going into the city next Wednesday. I'm extremely nervous, of course, because this interview will determine my fate for the summer. I asked one of my professors to help with a mock interview, so I'll be doing that on Sunday. Now, what should I wear? ;)

I feel like school has become second priority to me now. It's not like I'm not doing well in classes, or I'm skiving on my academic responsibilities...it's more like the newspaper now consumes much of my time! Instead of waking up in the morning and thinking about homework I have to do, I think about the paper and what needs to be done for that.

I've been writing constantly; because of my major I do it every day. I've written some short fiction and nonfiction. They need to be revised, so I'll post them when I'm ready. I love how writing has become something like second nature to me. I don't know what I'd do without it.

With my Memoir Writing class especially, I'm learning how to write honestly. I was so used to fiction that I found myself lying in the first draft of my memoir. Maybe I felt like I needed to impress my classmates. Maybe I didn't want to confront the Truth at first, as I reviewed my memory. Maybe I just didn't know.

But I took some time. I thought about it long and hard, and came to one conclusion: What's so bad about telling the truth? I assumed everyone in class was doing the same thing, and so, it was okay to be vulnerable. Writing was a battle at first, because I found myself constantly using the backspace key to erase my lies. In the end, the Truth ended up writing itself.

What more can I say? I'm just really thankful to be alive right now.

that random late night post

So, here we are again, just days before heading off to college. I just bought my books and I'm starting to pack up all of my belongings. I'm filled with anticipation, yet ambushed by a small fear that everything will change in the coming year.

I'm a different person from who I was as a senior. I will be a different person next year as well. All of this isn't bad, but I get a bit sad to find that I'm growing up too fast for my own liking. I have to take care of new responsibilities, I have to find myself, and I have to be something.

This year, I want to grow as a writer. 

I've been spending a lot of time on Figment.com, a great writing community that is populated by teens and adults. There are so many users on the site who've helped me improve, and there are even more writers who I admire. The things that fifteen-year-old writers can come up with these days--they astound me with their ingenuity and determination. Most of the users I come across are determined to get published, and I share their fervor.

I need to work on my style, because though I've been told I have one, I still fluctuate. I need to find it and stick with it, but at the same time, I don't want to feel confined by a label.

I want to grow as an editor.

I've been dreaming for a long time about being an editor in New York City and getting to read tons of manuscripts and mingle with the literary elites of the States. I want to be immersed in all things literature, coffee and chai, eccentric fashion, and strong personalities. I want to be the most sought-after editor, the one who makes amateur authors' dreams come true.

But I have to learn about the trade. I need to perfect my grammar and spelling and proofreading skills. That's why I can't wait to take my World of Publishing class in the Fall semester. The teacher is a well-known expert in creative writing and her works have been published...well, everywhere.

I want to grow as a designer.

I never thought that I'd work with Photoshop. I never saw myself as one so technologically intrigued. But...something changed when I started helping out Andoni. I was thrown into another world where nothing needs to be perfect, because imperfection is seen as art. I learned to trust my creative instincts and my journalistic ones which dominated me my whole freshman year. I learned that I could create a vision by mashing up different images, and I can make something look better if I tried my hardest.

I'm nervous because this year, I will be the Director. The title misleads people; they think I'm some sort of expert or experienced designer, when, in actuality, I just picked up the trade within months. I will have older students as my staff and I'll have to call the shots when the need comes. I'm scared, yet I'm looking forward to exercise my creative side.

I want to grow as a friend.

Besides my selfish wishes, I also want to improve my friendships. See, I'm not so great at giving someone a call or writing out a letter to a special someone, so I sometimes go a long time without talking to my close friends. I think that hurts the both of us when this happens. I want to Skype with my friends more this year. I want to be sure to take the time to sit and talk to an individual and ask, "What's going on with your life?" I want to be there when a friend needs me the most.

Really, though,

I just want to be better.